my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
