well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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