Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
