don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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