For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
