I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
