Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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