I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize