I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
