Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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