I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
