we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
