I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
