OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
