I just saw a hot homeless man
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
