dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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