I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We need to rekindle our bromance
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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