$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
