Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
