You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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