I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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