The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
