No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The best revenge is premature balding
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
