PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
