Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
