I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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