She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
