That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
