You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
