I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
