her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You ruined the universe
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
