If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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