i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
