Will you blow on my dice?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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