Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
