drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
