Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
