I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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