I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
