Please don't use social media to get back at me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
