I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
