At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize