I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
