I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
