Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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