I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
