can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
