"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just gargled with NyQuil
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
