Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
