Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize