Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
