YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
