Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
