dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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