That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
