you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
