make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
