Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
