My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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