Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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