Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
please come you make the beer taste better
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
