Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize