we're chasing vodka with high fives
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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