I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
