help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
