i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
