I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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