He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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