i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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