Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
