erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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